Do we know what we want, though?

Sonja van Wyk –   So, in my stillness (my nice word for a dead end), and trying to be patient, I’m forced to dig a little deeper. I’m quite aware that one of the main reasons that we don’t get to create an awesome life is because a) we don’t know what we want and b) we change our minds all the time.

So, if I’m to create something new in my life, should it be based on what I want, or based on what I should want? There are a lot of other people’s expectations and needs out there. Family, spouses, children, job expectations, money needs… We can even go as far as to add society’s expectations, church laws, government regulations…. That’s a shitload of “other” who has the potential to impose demands and expectations on my life.

So where does Little Me fit in? Whatever I do, it is going to affect someone else, no doubt about it. If I’m going to take everybody else into consideration and if they have objections to what I might want, I’m not going anywhere, that’s for sure. Unless I ignore it. Not the easiest thing to do.

What I do know from past experience is that even if we suppress what we really want, and we might do it for a long time, it’s not going away. The thoughts simply will not leave us, it will simply become more powerful and even painful if we don’t express it or act on it. I’ve read that some psychologist, can’t remember his name, said that that we only really change when the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain necessary to change. Same thing.

But what if we truly don’t know what we want?

 Before I continue, I would just like to say that I’m somewhat sceptical about the notion that we all have some Grand Purpose for our lives. Sure, we want our lives to mean something, to make some contribution to Life. But it may not necessarily be a Thing. Having said that, if you have a clear sense of purpose go for it, work with it, and most of all enjoy it. But let’s remove this terrible pressure that comes with the idea that our lives should have a Purpose, which we really interpret to mean that we should do something with our lives.

Sometimes it is not about doing, but about being. A successful (read: loving, secure, mature) human being is as important, if not more, as a list of accomplishments. It certainly takes as much effort and growth to get there. Sometimes I think a lot of our “doing’ inclinations serve as a means to get to the successful “being” part.

Living a life, and experiencing everything that life has to offer is what it is really all about. It’s not about a goal –it’s the bits in between going from one life event to another. The parts where we get to choose what we like and what we want and which is where our powers to create kick in. Those are the parts we struggle with the most.